From FoMO to JoMO: Learning to Enjoy Life Without Keeping Up with Others

Tasya Leony Poting
Master of Psychology Student
Soegijapranata Catholic University

When opening social media, the lives of others often appear incredibly attractive. There are peers getting married, college friends landing jobs at dream companies, people pursuing further education, starting businesses, buying homes, or vacationing in places we have only ever seen through a screen.

Meanwhile, our own lives may still be following more or less the same routine.

We then continue scrolling. One post turns into dozens. Without realizing it, the achievements of others begin to raise questions within ourselves.

“Am I falling behind?”

“Why is my life not like theirs?”

The anxiety that we are missing out on experiences others are having is known in psychology as fear of missing out or FoMO.

Przybylski et al. (2013) define FoMO as a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent, accompanied by a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing.

The research also found that FoMO is associated with higher social media usage and lower levels of life satisfaction and mood.

However, this does not mean that every time we feel envious, curious, or interested in following a trend, we are automatically experiencing FoMO. The experience is far more complex.

When Others' Lives Become a Mirror for Self-Evaluation

One way to understand FoMO is through the theory of social comparison .

Festinger (1954) explained that humans have a tendency to evaluate themselves by comparing their abilities and conditions with those of others.

Social comparison is not always negative. Observing others can provide information about ourselves, help set goals, and even serve as a source of inspiration.

Problems arise when social media makes material for comparison available almost without limit.

In a matter of minutes, we can see the achievements of dozens or even hundreds of people.

At the same time, we are aware of every facet of our own lives: failures, confusion, conflicts, worries, and the days when we are not productive.

Conversely, the lives of others on social media are often presented in a form that has been curated and edited before being shared.

We unconsciously compare the entirety of our lives with the highlight reels of others.

As a result, something that previously felt sufficient slowly begins to look inadequate.

FoMO Is More Than Just Fear of Missing Trends

In daily conversation, the term FoMO is often used to describe someone who always wants to follow trends, attend certain events, or buy something popular.

However, in psychology, FoMO has a broader meaning.

FoMO is linked to the desire to keep knowing about the experiences others are having. When someone feels that a valuable or enjoyable experience is happening without them, an urge to stay connected arises.

This can explain why someone repeatedly opens social media even when they are actually tired.

It is not always because there is something they truly want to see, but because of the anxiety that something might be happening and they are unaware of it.

The relationship between FoMO, digital technology, and psychological well-being is also not as simple as often imagined.

Groenestein et al. (2024), through a scoping review of 106 scientific articles, found that research on FoMO still varies in terms of definitions, mechanisms, and its relationship with psychological well-being.

Therefore, it is inaccurate to view FoMO as the sole cause of declining mental health.

The issue is not simply that social media is bad or that FoMO always makes someone unhappy. The context of social media usage and the psychological experience of each individual must be considered.

So, What Do We Actually Need to Build?

This is where the perspective of positive psychology becomes relevant.

Positive psychology does not only study problems or psychological disorders but also the conditions that allow a person to thrive and live a meaningful life.

Seligman (2011), through the PERMA framework, explains that well-being consists of five elements: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment.

Thus, well-being is not solely determined by how often someone feels happy.

This perspective helps us change the question.

Instead of just, “What must I do so I don't fall behind?”

We should also ask, “What is actually important in the life I want to lead?”

That question may sound simple, but the answer is not always easy.

The more often we look at the lives of others, the greater the likelihood that we will use external standards to define our own success.

Careers must look successful.

Vacations must be exciting.

Relationships must appear happy.

Even rest time sometimes feels like it must still produce something.

In reality, a meaningful life does not always have to look attractive in the eyes of others.

Learning to Be Kinder to Ourselves

One relevant concept when someone feels they are falling behind is self-compassion .

Neff (2003) explains that self-compassion consists of three components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

When experiencing failure or feeling not good enough, someone with self-compassion learns to treat themselves better, understands that difficulty is part of the human experience, and acknowledges the emotions that arise without drowning in negative self-judgment.

Various studies also show a relationship between self-compassion and well-being (Gunnell et al., 2017; Homan, 2016; Neff, Toth-Kiraly & Colosimo, 2021; Zessin, Dickhauser & Garbade, 2015).

Being kind to oneself does not mean becoming lazy or stopping growth.

We can still acknowledge that something has not been achieved without concluding that we are failures.

From FoMO to JoMO

If FoMO describes the anxiety of feeling left behind by the experiences of others, another concept is emerging: the joy of missing out or JoMO.

Barry et al. (2023) describe JoMO as a person's ability to feel comfortable or satisfied when not participating in social activities that others are doing.

It is not because they do not care about the world around them, but because they do not feel they must be present in every experience for their life to remain valuable.

In other words, JoMO is not about isolating oneself.

JoMO is closer to the ability to say, “I don't have to follow everything, and that is okay.”

Kaya et al. (2026) found that JoMO is linked to FoMO, social media use, mindfulness, self-compassion, and mental well-being.

However, research on JoMO is still relatively limited because this concept is quite new in psychological studies.

JoMO continues to develop as a way to understand the relationship between digital life, social connection, and psychological well-being.

How to Practice JoMO?

Becoming more comfortable with what we miss out on certainly does not mean we have to delete all social media immediately.

Several simple steps can start with self-awareness.

First, recognize when we start comparing ourselves.

Pay attention to what arises after seeing a certain post.

Do we feel inspired, or do we feel that we are not good enough?

This awareness helps us understand that emotional reactions to social media can be observed and do not have to be immediately accepted as reality.

Second, distinguish personal desires from social pressure.

Ask yourself:

“Do I really want this, or do I want it because I see others have it?”

We do not need to pursue every goal just because others have achieved it.

Third, learn to be grateful without losing ambition.

Being grateful does not mean stopping having goals.

We can still want to grow while acknowledging that there are parts of our lives that are going well.

Fourth, allow yourself not to know everything.

We do not have to know every event, trend, achievement, or trip that others are taking.

Not knowing something does not mean falling behind.

Fifth, return to the life you are currently living.

There are relationships that need nurturing, work or tasks that need completing, family to visit, a body that needs rest, and personal goals to achieve.

Real life continues even when the phone screen is turned off.

Not Everything We Miss Is a Loss

Ultimately, the issue may not just be whether we experience FoMO or not.

As humans, we do have a need to connect with others. It is also natural to feel curious, have a desire to grow, and occasionally compare ourselves.

What needs attention is when the lives of others become the primary metric for determining whether our own lives are good enough.

Positive psychology reminds us that well-being is not just about having more enjoyable experiences than others.

Well-being also includes engagement in meaningful activities, quality relationships, accomplishments, positive emotions, and a sense of purpose in life.

Therefore, perhaps we do not always need more experiences.

Sometimes, what we need is the courage to miss out on a few things.

Not participating does not mean failing.

Not knowing something does not mean falling behind.

Not having the same life as others does not mean our life is inferior.

Perhaps it is time to shift the question from, “Am I falling behind others?” to, “Is the life I am living moving toward something that is truly meaningful to me?”

If the answer is not yet, we still have the opportunity to move.

But this time, it is not because of the fear of falling behind others, but because we are beginning to know where we actually want to go.

References

Festinger, L. (1954). A Theory of Social Comparison Process. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202

Groenestein, E., Wilemsen, L., Van-Koningsbruggen, G. M., Ket, H., & Kerkhof, P. (2024). The Relationship Between Fear of Missing Out, Digital Technology Use, and Psychological Well-Being: A Scoping Review of Conceptual and Empirical Issues. PLOS ONE, 19(10). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0308643

Gunnell, K. E., Mosewich, A. D., McEwen, C. E., Eklund, R. C., & Crocker, P. R. E. (2017). Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself! Changes in Self-Compassion During the First Year of University Are Associated With Changes in Well-Being. Personality and Individual Differences, 107, 43–48.

Homan, K. J. (2016). Self-Compassion and Psychological Well-Being in Older Adults. Journal of Adult Development, 23(2), 111–119.

Kaya, Y., Kurtulus, H. Y., Taskin, S., Deniz, M. E., & Satici, S. A. (2026). Adaptation of The Joy of Missing Out (JoMO) Scale: Its Association With Fear of Missing Out (FoMO), Social Media Use, Mental Well-Being, Mindfulness, and Self-Compassion. Educational and Developmental Psychologist, 43(1), 58–68.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

Przybylski, A. K., Murayama, K., DeHaan, C. R., & Gladwell, V. (2013). Motivational, Emotional, and Behavioral Correlates of Fear of Missing Out. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(4), 1841–1848.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being. New York: Free Press.

Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The Relationship Between Self-Compassion and Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being.