Facing Guilt: Why Giving Up Is Not an Option for Working Mothers

“Mommy, when are you coming home?”
“Are you coming home late again today, Mommy?”
“I want you to keep me company, Mommy.”

Such expressions may sound simple. However, for a working mother, questions from a child can trigger a significant emotional struggle.

Being both a mother and an employee is not just about dividing time between work and family. Behind the daily routine lies a struggle to manage energy, thoughts, responsibilities, and even the guilt that arises when one role feels neglected.

When the Roles of Mother and Employee Collide

In daily life, work and family matters cannot always be strictly separated. Problems at the office can follow one home, while family issues can affect one's concentration at work.

Imagine a mother attending an important meeting, only to receive news that her child is sick. In another scenario, while playing with her child at home, she is suddenly asked to finish a work report.

Situations like these can create internal conflict for a mother, known as work-family conflict, a condition where the demands of work and family clash.

Work-family conflict can place pressure on working mothers and impact their psychological well-being. Manalu and Simarmata (2026) show that the higher the conflict between work and family, the lower the perceived well-being.

In such conditions, support from family and the workplace becomes a crucial external factor. This support helps mothers navigate various demands, making it easier to achieve balance in fulfilling each role.

Balance does not mean a mother must perform every responsibility perfectly. Instead, balance is about the ability to adapt to situations, set priorities, and accept that not everything can be accomplished simultaneously.

When Conflict Persists

Motherhood is a journey full of responsibility. When a mother also works, those responsibilities become increasingly complex.

The demands of dual roles make work and family life seem to compete for time, energy, and attention. If this condition persists, a mother may struggle to divide her thoughts and energy between her career and her household.

This is where guilt can emerge. In psychological studies, this condition is known as work-family guilt.

Work-family guilt arises when someone feels they have not been able to fulfill their responsibilities to the fullest in one or more of their roles. A mother, for example, may feel guilty for having to work when her child needs her presence. Conversely, she may also feel guilty when family matters cause her work to fall short of expectations.

Research by Borelli et al. (2017) indicates that mothers tend to experience higher levels of work-family guilt compared to fathers.

In a social context, women are often placed as the primary caregivers. A woman's success is frequently judged by her ability to raise children and manage the household, even if she also has a career.

At the same time, a family's economic needs may require women to work and contribute financially. As a result, working mothers are in a situation that demands significant energy in two environments simultaneously.

Achieving the Desired Balance

Support from family and the workplace is certainly important. However, working mothers also need inner strength. One such strength is resilience.

Resilience is an individual's ability to endure, adapt, and bounce back when facing difficult or unpleasant situations.

Dias et al. (2026) found that conflict between work and family can lower psychological well-being, increase parenting stress, and correlate with the onset of anxiety and depression in working mothers.

When that conflict develops into deep-seated guilt, resilience can act as a psychological “shield.”

A mother with good resilience will be better able to view situations proportionally. She will not constantly blame herself when she cannot meet all demands at once.

Resilience also helps a mother see her work from a broader perspective. Working does not always mean reducing attention to the family; work can also be viewed as a contribution to the family's well-being and future.

Keeping the Faith That Things Can Get Better

Resilience is not the only psychological strength required. Optimism also plays a role in helping working mothers face life's pressures.

Optimism provides hope that difficult conditions will not last forever and that there are still opportunities to improve the situation.

Carver, Scheier, and Segerstrom (2010) explain that optimistic individuals tend to have better well-being when facing difficult conditions. They are also more driven to find ways to solve the problems they face.

For working mothers, optimism can help maintain the belief that various work and family demands can still be managed gradually.

Perhaps not every day will go perfectly. There are times when work requires more attention. At other times, family becomes the top priority.

The ability to accept this dynamic is an important part of the process of achieving balance.

Guilt Does Not Mean Failure

Guilt is an experience frequently felt by working mothers. These feelings can also be influenced by social norms and the various expectations placed upon women.

Therefore, the emergence of guilt is not necessarily proof that a mother has failed in her role.

When a working mother possesses resilience and optimism in facing various challenges, she will have a better ability to manage the demands of work and family.

This condition will be even stronger if supported by a partner, family, workplace, and social environment that understands the complexity of a working mother's role.

Ultimately, balance does not mean doing everything perfectly. Balance is about how one is able to adapt, accept limitations, set priorities, and keep moving forward when things do not go according to plan.

Guilt may be present. However, giving up is not the only option.